So far, my mother and I have cleared 50 feet from our respective bedrooms to the living room. If we can maintain this pace, we should be to LA by the time I’m 32. Luckily, I use anti-aging cream pretty religiously, so I think I’ll still be able to read as (Hollywood) high school age by then.
Meanwhile, at the Lohan residence…..
“I was going to give you this when I got home from work, but I decided you might have already hanged yourself by then.” -Dad
(An Alex and Ani bracelet my dad gave me today. Yes, that’s an adult, human wrist and not the bare bone of a 3 year old!)
Don’t you worry, kittens, I’m not actually bitter over Valentine’s Day. My dad is my Valentine every year, so I have no reason to complain. I’m even wearing red today and started thinking about my future wedding. I decided that my future fiance and I will include in our vows that if things get too difficult, we promise to get a divorce instead of poisoning the other slowly with their morning coffee and 20 drops of Visine. Based on what I’ve seen in episodes of 48 Hours: Mystery, this might be a conversation more couples should be having. Like, look, if you have someone on the side, please just divorce me, I won’t be that mad, and you don’t have to pay me alimony. Just don’t suggest we go on a cruise to save our marriage, then drug me with a handful of Lunesta and throw me off the back of the ship. And I will promise you the same. Forever and ever, Amen.
But, if you’re just looking to kill me for the insurance money, I guess I don’t have much of a say in that.
Happy Valentine’s Daaaay!
P.S. Here are some posts from last years V-Day:
5 Ways to Spend Valentine’s Day
And an essay my friend wrote for Hello Giggles about her experience on Millionaire Matchmaker.
Twitter.com/daralaine
