I feel like you can tell what kind of head space a person is working with based on what kind of salad dressing someone uses. If someone gets balsamic vinegar, you know they’re on top of things. If they get ranch, that means they’re in a full-on down spiral. Ordering extra ranch is rock bottom. They’ve given up.

I don’t think I even knew what ranch tasted like until today because I know that with some foods if I open the flood gates I’ll never be able to reel it back in, so I just never try it. I’ve never ordered a Big Mac for myself because I’d finish it and then my eyes would go black, and I’d only ever Big Macs again until my intestines caved in.

Thankfully, the miracle that is greek yogurt has allowed me to experience the sweet, sweet love that is the main ingredient in ranch dip. All you do is buy one of those dry packets of ranch seasoning and mix it up with some non fat greek yogurt. You can also use onion soup mix and have some faux sour cream and onion dip and then eat it with some Special K chips…or real chips, which is essentially like getting a Big Mac and a diet coke, but whatever, don’t judge me.