Leave Planned Parenthood Alone, BASICSSSS

FIIIIRST, if you are pro-choice, you aren’t pro-abortion. None of us are chompin’ on fetus limb tempura and chasing it with some pinot. Or maybe a spicy cab? Dunno what fetus pairs well with LOL

Thought I’d clear the misconceptions with that one first. 


Some idiot ANTI-CHOICE group took an undercover video of a PP doctor talking about the distribution of aborted fetus limbs and heavily edited it to try and make it sound incriminating. In reality, they were talking about a tissue donation program, ya know for like, SCIENCE. (You can read the PP statement about it). 

Just a gentle reminder, abortion is legal– it’s still putting the “A” in the good ole’ U-S-of, so why wouldn’t we donate tissue towards stem cell research and the like?


Because now GOP senators are just tryin’ their G-darndest to take away PP’s Title X funding. Their defense is that women with “legitimate healthcare needs” will find somewhere else to go besides Planned Parenthood. EXCEPT.


Title X funding never goes towards abortions services… oops oops oops!!! 

And actually if you take away safe access to abortion, ladies will still find a way to take care of this legitimate health care need. As in, rich women will find a way to do it safely, and poor people will do it dangerously or not at all. Meaning poor people will have kids they can’t afford OR they’ll end up dead from a botched aborsh, while rich people will continue to stay rich, sitting pretty on their taints untainted by childbirth. 

Now, if you’re salivating over this story and feeling vindicated because PP is a bunch of liberals picking the quinoa out of their teeth with baby bones, please remember this:

Abortions are 3% of what Planned Parenthood does…mostly they are trying to keep STD’s off the streets and are handing out condoms and squeezing the middle aged titties belonging to low income women afraid of tittie cancer.


If you think you care so much about unborn babies, ask yourself what these people who go to these extreme lengths to discredit PP are doing to help the actual out-of-the-vag babies? Maybe if they put a little more time into caring for babies whose parents have no money or making sure that drug addicts knew where to get some free condoms, maybe, JUST MAYBE, we’d have less abortions AND less children in the foster care system.

I probably changed 0 hearts and minds with this blog post, but if you already agree with me, GO HERE and tell them dummies that you’re all about that Planned Parenthood life!

Blessings to you and yours!


Screen Shot 2015-07-28 at 6.53.08 PMI’ve been hearing a lot lately about the term “vocal fry” (when your vocal chords rub together and cause a gravely noise when you speak) and how it causes young women to look unprofessional/forces every other demographic to hate us even more than they usually do.

I’ve actually known about vocal fry for a while because I took voices lessons for years (because I am CHI-CHI-CHI-CHIC) and it hurts your delicate little chords that make dah music in your throat pipe. So I will say firstly, you probably shouldn’t vocal fry if you’re like P!nk or someone who talks a lot for a living, but not because some asshole freelance writer at Business Insider told you not to.

I read somewhere (I DON’T CARE WHERE) that middle aged men in business (ya know, the ones holding the power over young females just starting off in business) tend to “disregard” women who vocal fry…..



Guess what? Except for maybe your dad, every middle aged man disregards young women.

Girls aren’t the only ones who vocal fry or up-speak or say “just” to preface a request. Guys do it too, people just don’t notice or care as much because they aren’t looking for any possible reason to not take them seriously or recognize them as humans.






Deleted Scenes of Women in Disaster Films Written by Men

Happy Friday, Dream Lovers. Here is the newest video I wrote and co-star in.

In these deleted scenes of women in disaster films written by men, some probing questions will finally be answered, including “how does the modern woman facing imminent death in the zombie apocalypse find the time to keep her armpits looking so fresh and hairless?”

If you’re interested in my write about up about the video that was featured on Amy Poehler’s Smart Girl website, here’s the link.

Feminist Approved “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

This is a rewrite of how the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” should go. Please share and subscribe!

Wine and Whine, Episode 3: Gaby Dunn


On today’s episode of Wine and WhineGabi and Dara drink 2 bottles of a very pricy $7 Kono Sauvignon Blanc while they whine with special guest, Gaby Dunn.

gdunnGaby is a writer and comedian, and you might’ve seen her work in the New York Times Magazine, Thought Catalogue, and Cosmopolitain or maybe you know her as the woman defending the females of Los Angeles against evil cat-callers and would-be date rapists.

We’ve been longtime fans of Gaby’s Tumblr and Twitter, but officially decided to trick her into being our friend by luring her to Dara’s apartment with free wine and pizza after seeing her in the Youtube mini-documentary, I Didn’t Come To This Open Mic To Fuck You. 

The official whine was “Women in Comedy” (Sponsored by Playtex) but we talk about everything from Gaby’s relationship with porn star (not ghost) James Deen to the perks of being bisexual to why feminism is for everyone and how we can dismantle the patriar–wait! Don’t leave!

This episode was so fun to record and we think you’ll enjoy it! Listen to it in the airport on your way home for the holiday’s and maybe you’ll be inspired by Gaby like we were to make 2014 “The Year of Enthusiasm!”

Follow Gaby with a “Y” on Twitter @gabydunn or on Tumblr at gabydunn.com

Follow Gabi with an “I” on Twitter @GMConti or check out her other work at hellogiggles.com

Follow Dara with a “D-A-R-A” on Twitter @daralaine or read her blog brunchforeverymeal.com


Instagram: @wineandwhinepodcast

Twitter: @wineandwhinepod

10 Karaoke Songs and What They Say About You

Back in college, I used to emcee at a karaoke bar. Though I only worked there for a month, I experienced more in that month than most 20 year-old’s should experience in like, two months. During that time, I picked up some lessons along the way, including:

1. If at your job, the new, older security guard who looks like Channing Tatum asks you out upon meeting you, it really is too good to be true. It’s possible that he might smile and you’ll realize he has a missing tooth or maybe he’ll end up getting fired on his first day for calling your manager a bitch. Or both! Yes, surely both.

2. Just because one of your managers has a newborn and says he’s sickened by the men who harass you while you’re trying to work, doesn’t mean he won’t tell you that he thinks he never should have gotten married, and you’re the only one he’s told, and you’re so mature, and do you want to get a drink after work?

And lastly,

3. Everyone sings the same handful of songs.

So, using all of my professional expertise, here are the 10 Karaoke Songs Everyone Sings and What They Say About You:

Shoop by Salt-N-Peppa or Man, I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain:

2CD Shania TWAIN - up (zafoliowana)You have a delightful sense of humor and are something of a feminist, interested in uniting the women of the bar, if only for 3 minutes. While we all drunkenly shout through the chorus as one, we are singing for our oppressed sisters around the world who do not have the freedom to hold a GirlZ Night for themselves.

All These Things That I’ve Done by The Killers: You’re a boy in your mid-twenties who has been forced to go to karaoke night for your girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday party. I will hand it to you though, everyone gets hyped for the “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” part.

Fool in the Rain by Led Zeppelin: You’re a man in your mid-forties who has been forced to go to karaoke night for your wife’s best friend’s birthday party. It’s a night out of the suburbs where every wife gets a Moscato and every husband gets a Jack and Coke!

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston: You have no self-awareness.

Take Me or Leave Me from “RENT”:

cd-rentYou are a former or current musical theatre kid who will go up and sing no less than 3 times in one night, use all the vibrato you can muster, and then sit in a booth in the back while you complain about how sad it is that any person singing who isn’t you thinks they’re doing really well.

Don’t Stop Believing by Journey or Santeria by Sublime: You have no creativity or imagination.

American Pie by Don McLean or Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin:

led-zeppelin-stairway-to-heaven-albumYou have narcissistic personality disorder and have no regard for other people’s feelings or happiness. I always had the courage to save a room from a 10 minute Led Zeppelin hostage situation and pull the plug on the mic after a verse and a chorus, but not every karaoke emcee is as protective over their audience.

So, based on your favorite karaoke song, what kind of person are you? Honestly, I don’t care as long as you don’t sing Hallelujah. 

Cro-nuts for Crumbnuts

How’s my week going?

Well, I almost drove into oncoming traffic while looking at a poster for cronuts in the Crumbs Cupcakes window, I’ve been commuting 45 minutes to work in a car with no A/C in 100 degree weather, and at one point, a Trader Joe’s cashier seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being. 

Overall, I find TJ’s employees to be way too prying and overly friendly. I appreciate them asking if I have a fun weekend planned, but they always take that next step too far and ask me what I’m doing. You have checked my ID and can see I’m a 24-year-old buying only $4 wine, egg whites, a quart of skim milk, and Ezekiel bread, so what do you think I’m doing? Eating an egg sandwich for dinner, drinking a glass of wine while listening to “Bad Girls” by MIA, then teetering around West Hollywood in cork wedges, desperately trying to make a human connection with a man I hope won’t slip a rohypnal into whatever variation of a gin and elderflower cocktail I’m drinking. Like, why bother asking?

Anyway, my cashier made some intense eye contact and asked if I was okay, then proceeded to tell me how I have “beautiful eyes, and do I get that a lot?, and I just think this world is just such a hard place and we should all be kinder to each other and compliment each other more.” Now, I could, could have launched into a feminist tirade about how he would never say that to a male customer, and why does he assume that my emotional well-being is tied to a strange man’s approval of my appearance, BUT. But. He meant well. I think he gave himself a pat on the back for probably saving me from turning on some Patsy Cline and Girl, Interrupting myself in a warm bath. And let him think that.

In reality, though, I just have something called a Resting Bitch Face, so people are constantly asking if I’m okay.


Anyway, anyway. Crumbnuts. Probably the best part of my week? They’re just a cross between a donut and a croissant, though I will go out on a limb and say these particular cronut knock-offs are just a croissant shaped like a donut, filled with Bavarian creme. Still good, though I felt like a garbage can after I finished it. God did not intend for humans to eat cronuts. Or movie theatre nachos. Or Dominos stuffed cheesy bread. Yet here we are, and here we shall remain. Human trash compactors.

Sorry, does this sound like a suicide note?

If you’re interested in reading something that doesn’t sound like it was written in Winona Ryder’s journal circa 1992, you should check out Kasey’s Kitchen, a blog written by my coworker, without whom, those cronuts would not be possible. She had a bunch of Crumbs gift cards and a dream.

Also, formal apology to Kasey for including her in my bell-jar of a blog post.

Rihanna, You Can Call Me Al

I know people complain about the choices Rihanna has made in the past because she is a role model to young girls, but in fairness to Ri-Ri, she is a young woman herself. Who will be her role model now that her role model is gone…. gone….? I mean, good lord, look at this:
I will be your role model.
I will be your body guard.
I will be your long lost pal.

Doo doo doodoo, doooo doo doodoo

Seriously, this bums me out. Oprah, are you too busy mentoring Lindsay Lohan to monitor Rihanna’s clothing choices and incriminating Instagram pictures? Between this and writing a Twin Peaks Broadway musical adaption, it would appear that I have to do everything myself.

So, hypothetically, would any of you fund a Kickstarter to raise money for my celebrity home for wayward girls? Basically, between general education classes we would watch repeats of 30 Rock and before bed I’d read them excerpts from Hillary Clinton’s Living History until we all fell asleep with visions of Eleanor Roosevelt dancing in our heads. My dad and a salt and pepper haired Steve Carrell would serve as the girls’ mentors and stable father figures (ps. does anyone have Steve’s contact info?).

Look, the home hasn’t even opened yet and my father is already giving Rihanna the validation and support she needs! (I swear this text is real and unsolicited).


72 Year-Old Woman Arrested During Wendy Davis Filibuster

This is a lil’ inneresting video! A police officer arresting a 72 year-old woman in the gallery at the Wendy Davis’s Filibuster Fun-Time Party of 2013 for… sitting? I guess? She was charged with a felony for resisting arrest (which was later dropped), and I can only hope that at 72 I start getting charged with felonies for being a regulation bad ass.

You know who else is an intelligent, regulation bad ass and an Earth Angel Queen with a majestic waterfall of hair that looks like it’s been kissed by the morning sun?

mag-17Britton-t_CA0-articleLarge Oh. Well, yes. But I actually meant:

Wendy DavisSenator Wendy Davis who is giving us some Hot Rollers and Human Rights realness.

Waaaaait, a second…..


If, hypothetically, they were to make a Wendy Davis biopic starring Connie Britton, would it be so unreasonable to request that she leads a chant of “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” with the gallery of protesters? What if she just whispers it under her breath really fast at the end of a scene? Add a scene for it in the Blue-ray director’s cut?!!

Oh, and one more thing!!!