Wine and Whine, Ep. 5: Kathryn Gallagher

Well, we had to take a week off from W&W, but now we’re back with a little shake up:

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Dara is now joined by new co-host, Kathryn Gallagher!

Why did Gabi leave?

Is Dara impossible to work with?

Was she sent to live on a farm full of other podcasters she could play with?

Did Gabi decide to take a crack at a second career and is now too busy taking night classes in mortuary sciences at the local community college?

You’ll have to listen to find out!

Meanwhile, WINE: Friexenet cava WHINE: Kathryn Gallagher

Tweet us at @wineandwhinepod, @kathryng, and @daralaine and tell us what you think of Wine and Whine 2.0 (#WW2).

Wine and Whine: Episode 4- Our Moms

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Today is a very special Home for the Holidays Spectacular episode where from Westport, CT Gabi interviews her mother, Jules, while a few states over in NH, Dara talks to her mother, Lynne.

Twitter: @Wineandwhinepod

Instagram: @wineandwhinepodcast

Gabi’s Twitter: @GMConti

Dara’s Twitter: @daralaine

And look out for us soon on iTunes! Like around the time Dara decides to sit down and figure out how to upload something to iTunes.

Wine and Whine, Episode 3: Gaby Dunn

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On today’s episode of Wine and WhineGabi and Dara drink 2 bottles of a very pricy $7 Kono Sauvignon Blanc while they whine with special guest, Gaby Dunn.

gdunnGaby is a writer and comedian, and you might’ve seen her work in the New York Times Magazine, Thought Catalogue, and Cosmopolitain or maybe you know her as the woman defending the females of Los Angeles against evil cat-callers and would-be date rapists.

We’ve been longtime fans of Gaby’s Tumblr and Twitter, but officially decided to trick her into being our friend by luring her to Dara’s apartment with free wine and pizza after seeing her in the Youtube mini-documentary, I Didn’t Come To This Open Mic To Fuck You. 

The official whine was “Women in Comedy” (Sponsored by Playtex) but we talk about everything from Gaby’s relationship with porn star (not ghost) James Deen to the perks of being bisexual to why feminism is for everyone and how we can dismantle the patriar–wait! Don’t leave!

This episode was so fun to record and we think you’ll enjoy it! Listen to it in the airport on your way home for the holiday’s and maybe you’ll be inspired by Gaby like we were to make 2014 “The Year of Enthusiasm!”

Follow Gaby with a “Y” on Twitter @gabydunn or on Tumblr at gabydunn.com

Follow Gabi with an “I” on Twitter @GMConti or check out her other work at hellogiggles.com

Follow Dara with a “D-A-R-A” on Twitter @daralaine or read her blog brunchforeverymeal.com

AND FINALLY:

Instagram: @wineandwhinepodcast

Twitter: @wineandwhinepod

10 Karaoke Songs and What They Say About You

Back in college, I used to emcee at a karaoke bar. Though I only worked there for a month, I experienced more in that month than most 20 year-old’s should experience in like, two months. During that time, I picked up some lessons along the way, including:

1. If at your job, the new, older security guard who looks like Channing Tatum asks you out upon meeting you, it really is too good to be true. It’s possible that he might smile and you’ll realize he has a missing tooth or maybe he’ll end up getting fired on his first day for calling your manager a bitch. Or both! Yes, surely both.

2. Just because one of your managers has a newborn and says he’s sickened by the men who harass you while you’re trying to work, doesn’t mean he won’t tell you that he thinks he never should have gotten married, and you’re the only one he’s told, and you’re so mature, and do you want to get a drink after work?

And lastly,

3. Everyone sings the same handful of songs.

So, using all of my professional expertise, here are the 10 Karaoke Songs Everyone Sings and What They Say About You:

Shoop by Salt-N-Peppa or Man, I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain:

2CD Shania TWAIN - up (zafoliowana)You have a delightful sense of humor and are something of a feminist, interested in uniting the women of the bar, if only for 3 minutes. While we all drunkenly shout through the chorus as one, we are singing for our oppressed sisters around the world who do not have the freedom to hold a GirlZ Night for themselves.

All These Things That I’ve Done by The Killers: You’re a boy in your mid-twenties who has been forced to go to karaoke night for your girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday party. I will hand it to you though, everyone gets hyped for the “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” part.

Fool in the Rain by Led Zeppelin: You’re a man in your mid-forties who has been forced to go to karaoke night for your wife’s best friend’s birthday party. It’s a night out of the suburbs where every wife gets a Moscato and every husband gets a Jack and Coke!

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston: You have no self-awareness.

Take Me or Leave Me from “RENT”:

cd-rentYou are a former or current musical theatre kid who will go up and sing no less than 3 times in one night, use all the vibrato you can muster, and then sit in a booth in the back while you complain about how sad it is that any person singing who isn’t you thinks they’re doing really well.

Don’t Stop Believing by Journey or Santeria by Sublime: You have no creativity or imagination.

American Pie by Don McLean or Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin:

led-zeppelin-stairway-to-heaven-albumYou have narcissistic personality disorder and have no regard for other people’s feelings or happiness. I always had the courage to save a room from a 10 minute Led Zeppelin hostage situation and pull the plug on the mic after a verse and a chorus, but not every karaoke emcee is as protective over their audience.

So, based on your favorite karaoke song, what kind of person are you? Honestly, I don’t care as long as you don’t sing Hallelujah. 

Freshly Pressed

Yesterday, one of my blog posts, Am I an Adult? was featured on WordPress.com’s “Freshly Pressed” page. Since it has brought me a bunch of new followers over night, I thought I should reintroduce myself. I know you could just scroll back and read some old posts, but I never give up an opportunity to coerce strangers into following me on Twitter.

So me. Here are the most important bullet points to get you up to speed:

  • I moved to LA from New Hampshire about 9 months ago to become a comedic actress/writer.
  • If I wasn’t a comedian I’d be a Special Victims Unit criminal psychologist, B.D. Wong-style. Screen shot 2011-01-20 at 9.22.44 PM
  • My 3 favorite things are Connie Britton, inter species friendships, and that thing on TV shows where wayward children call their foster parents “Mom” and “Dad” for the first time.
  • If you think Amanda Knox did it then you can let yourself out.
  • Related: “Foxy Knoxy’s The Mandy Project” is the most clever thing I’ve ever come up with.

Alright, I think that covers it.

Next, follow me on everything:

Twitter: @daralaine

Instagram: @daralaine

Tumblr: brunchforeverymeal

Facebook: brunchforeverymeal 

Youtube: daralaine

My Podcast: Wine and Whine 

Here’s another post of mine that was Freshly Pressed a little over a year ago, 3 Reasons Why Being Single is (Probably) Better than Dating a Serial Killer. 

Okay, cool. That’s it. Thanks for following!

Wine and Whine: Episode 2, Mistress Mina

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On our second episode of Wine and Whine we have our first guest, professional dominatrix and independent woman doing it for herself, Mistress Mina.

While we sip our wine (Cocobon and Trader Joe’s Coastal Zinfindel…we get two bottles when we have a guest) we’re going to learn about our whine, BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism), and what it really means to be a professional dominatrix.

Warning: the sound is a little iffy this episode compared to last week’s because we had to fire Producer Dave for growing a goatee. Now we’re two independent women doing a podcast for themselves. Next week should be better, as we have learned we can’t scream into microphones.

So, please, sit back, pour yourself a glass of wine and learn about the world of sissy play, dungeons, and whips. Unless you are listening to this on your morning commute, in which case please don’t drink because we can’t be liable for anyone’s DUI’s but our own.

Wine and Whine Podcast

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A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was starting a podcast, and now the first episode is ready for your ears!

In our pilot we drink Babble wine and whine about online dating.When the wine’s finished so is the podcast!

Here’s what people are saying about it:

“Cute!” – our moms

“Longer than Schindler’s List.” – Producer Dave

“Please listen because making a podcast is more difficult than you’d think it’d be.” – Me

Follow us on twitter!

@WineandWhinePodcast

@DaraLaine

@GMConti

and theme song by Kathryn Gallagher @KathrynG

Click here to listen!

The Sound of Music Live: A Wine Soaked Recap

You know, I wasn’t hotly anticipating NBC’s Live from LA it’s The Sound of Music! telecast. I just didn’t understand the why’s and the how’s of it all. I even missed the first half hour of it while I was busy catching up on my favorite gay fantasia, Coven. But by the time the episode finished, my glass of limited edition Three Buck Chuck Nouveau was not yet empty, so I decided to check it out. And, wow. Sometimes you don’t know what you want, so the Universe just gives you what you need. 

I think I really went through something while watching this, so I’ll show you my live-tweets, so you get an in-the-moment sense of what happened:

1617So, already I feel like I’m watching The Sound of Music, something I’ve seen a million times, with fresh eyes.

symbolismBut, right? Liesl’s in love and everything’s roses and gazebos at midnight, then one day he’s a Nazi! Like, two minutes ago he was singing about how he’s going to take care of her and now suddenly he is really comfortable with throwing her entire family on a train, and I can tell you, it is NOT going to Clarksville, okay?? Little Marta is going straight to a camp where you do not make lanyards and Rolph won’t even think twice about it because he’s already taken up with some Aryan tart! MEN!!!

Yikes, someone get this girl a Sleepytime tea!

Onward…

Then at some point, this little sliver of Broadway perfection waltzed her way onto the screen and into my heart:

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benantiThen Maria goes back to the Abbey (oh, sorry, are you wondering what my thoughts are on Underwood? I think her deadpan line read was oddly comforting and took me right back to every mediocre community theatre production of The Sound of Music that I saw throughout my childhood. Loved it).

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Then Maria comes back from the abbey because Audra McDonald’s like, look, sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but you totally can. And then she says you can’t swear off men just because the guy you’re into is marrying someone way better than you. Which I’m guessing is what inspired all those Sex and the City episodes, but if you have half a brain you know that Big leaves Natasha and goes with the blonde woman by the end, anyway.

working girl tweet

Then things took a turn.

benantiiiApparently, I thought it was okay to start roping people I don’t even know into my feminist tirade:

gibbler But leave it to Ronan Farrow to ground us all back in the reality.

ronanThen it was 10:30 and I had to go to bed because this thing is way too long. It takes her a half hour JUST TO GET TO THE CHILDREN. I didn’t need to know there was a problem like Maria, just totally unnecessary to the plot except that all those nuns allow for some extra parts for female actors, so I take it all back. 

But I’d say my biggest take away from this television EVENT was:

clarkson Right?

Am I an Adult?

Like I said in yesterday’s post, I turned 25 this month, and it’s strange because I still feel like I’m in high school. It’s not like I’m clinging to youth or anything, in fact, I’m excited to turn 30 in the near future. I’ve found that every six months or so I become a little less of an asshole, so I’m hoping by 30 I’ll be a real hip woman in charge of her own destiny, getting her clothes tailored, not eating as much processed foods, the whole thing.

young-adult-poster

But for now, I can’t tell- am I an adult? Let’s look at the evidence:

ADULT: I have aged out of eligibility to be on The Real World because apparently 25 is too old to catch syphilis in a hot tub while you experiment with your sexuality. What if I’m a late bloomer, huh, MTV?

NON-ADULT: Still too young to be a Real Housewife. Not a girl, not yet a woman.

ADULT: I pay rent with my own money for a townhouse with a garbage disposal, yes, garbage disposal. 

NON-ADULT: I recently cashed in an animal crackers jug full of change at a Coin Star so I would have drinking money.

ADULT: I told a co-worker how old I turned on my birthday and he said, “25! You can get married now!” Isn’t that wild? I mean, at this point, if I had a kid in a high school bathroom stall no one would give me a reality show. They might call DCF because what am I doing having a baby in a high school bathroom stall? but 25 is a completely appropriate age to get married and have a child. In the Mid-West.

NON-ADULT: No matter how old I am when I have kids, always exclaiming “this is children raising children!” is a very charming thing I plan to do.

ADULT: Another thing about kids- I’m at least mature enough to know at what time a toddler should be in bed and not at the West Hollywood Halloween Carnival among half a million people. That would be all of the times. When I went this year it was after 11pm and I was very surprised at the toddler to screaming drunk people ratio.

NON-ADULT: At 8pm on a Sunday I locked my keys in my car and waited until 1am to ask AAA to get them because I was late for karaoke. Somebody, quick! Give me a baby to raise! I might accidentally lock them in the back seat, but I promise I’ll fish them out after last call!

ADULT: I got my oil changed all by myself this week!

NON-ADULT: I didn’t get my oil changed all by myself until I was 25 year old.

Welp, I am no closer to an answer, but at least I have enough self awareness to limit the amount of times I say the phrase “quarter-life crisis.” That counts for something, right?

What I’ve Been Doing for Two Months

*tap tap*

Helllloooo?

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

If you have a middle aged dad who owns a car with a functioning radio, you probably know I’m quoting a Pink Floyd song. If not, I’m sorry, you probably had a difficult childhood and/or very quiet road trips.

Anyway, I’m baaaack.

I know I said I was just going out for cigarettes and I’d be home in time for dinner, but now here we are two months later and I’m just trying to walk back into your life like nothing happened. (At least I’m home in time for A dinner)?

I’ll be honest with you. I thought about leaving this blog in my dust and taking up with a podcast, but as my father always told me and his father told him, “you make your bed, you sleep in it.” And hey, maybe I can make this an open relationship and do both? This is 2013, after all.

I was debating whether or not to start back up with the blog when a reader (not my mother. Trust me, she has a direct line to nag me about posting new stuff) sent me an e-mail saying he and his friend missed my blog. Listen, I’m not going to copy and paste his email because that’s no better than when people retweet compliments, but I will say he was throwing around words like “insightful” and “hilarious” (full disclosure, he actually said “humorous” but as a comedy writer, I had to “punch it up” for him as we say in the industry).

I just took a break from blogging because I didn’t feel like I had anything to say, so I went out there and LIVED so I would have something to write about. (Oh, reminds me, do any aspiring Youtube stars want to take this idea: a Bonnie Raitt parody song called “Let’s Give ‘Em Something to Blog About”? Please. Run with it).

So, here’s what’s been happening with me since we last spoke two months ago:

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  • I’ve started using words like “the industry” and “the biz”. I also have “projects in the pipeline” and I’m punching it up and also loglines and back end residuals and I’m just like, selling it in the room, ya know? I also work at the front desk of a life insurance firm in Beverly Hills and I’m happy to pay $2 for a thimble of wheat grass juice… So I guess I’ve just been busy making Los Angeleez my home.
  • I started doing Crossfit.
  • I quit Crossfit
  • I gained 5 pounds
  • I’m back at Crossfit!
  • Breaking Bad finale
  • Coven premiere
  • I’m in the throes of a very serious Stevie Nicks phase (see above).
  • + Turned 25
  • - Began my 25th year by losing a booty shaking contest to a 17 year-old whilst in the presence of drag queens.

There it is! 2 months chock-full of life experience and writing material. I’m ready to get back to blogging regularly! (Until I get bored again or don’t become internet famous, which ever affects me more first).