Twitter Tuesday: Strippuhhhhs!

Today, instead of making fun of Courtney Stodden’s twitter (which btw, I don’t know what they did to her at Couples Therapy [and I will find out] but since she came back, her tweets don’t have the same uncomfortable sexual innuendos of an underage girl who really took to the alliteration lesson in her 7th grade English class) I’ll be going into further detail of an old tweet I wrote this summer about the Citizen Kane of stripper movies.
I realize a post on Magic Mike isn’t exactly topical, and there are more pressing and timely matters to discuss, like Honey Boo Boo announcing her official support of “Marak” Obama. However, since Sunday’s conclusion of Real Housewives of New Jersey, I feel that the topic of strippers is relevant again, though, when do G-strings and body glitter ever go out of style? I think Nina Garcia would agree that they are timeless staples for every man and woman’s wardrobe.

For those of you who don’t watch RHNJ, Teresa Guidice accused her sister in-law Melissa, and her ex-best friend Jacqueline of being strippers.

After three full hours of Melissa batting her big, beautiful fake eyelashes in disappointment and Teresa nearly popping a blood vessel trying to convince everyone that she and her brother would have made a stunning couple (aww, just imagine little Gia with two thumbs on one hand), Joe Gorga (her brother) gleefully admitted that it was he who stripped through college, not his wife. It was hilarious and endearing that Joe was a stripper, no one was wondering if Joe had a weird uncle that indirectly set him on this path of moral depravity. Yet for Melissa and Jacqueline, it would be considered a huge shame on them if they really did meet their husbands while stripping (that’s a meet-cute if I’ve ever heard one!).

Which brings me back to my original point about Magic Mike. They kind of made out male strippers to be men contributing as much to society as volunteer firefighters- doing their part along with 50 Shades of Grey to liberate middle aged women from their sexual repression. In real life, Channing Tatum was a stripper, and everyone thought it was so funny that he was on the Ellen Show handing out lap dances like Halloween candy. Meanwhile, the media tells Diablo Cody to go to her room and think about what she did while she writes the Sweet Valley High movie adaption. Unfair! Everyone should have the equal opportunity to strip guilt-free no matter what your gender.

 Support a woman’s right to let her do her!

 This is America, dammit!

 

 

 

Twitter Tuesday: Devon Sawa

I have always loved Devon Sawa ever since Wild America and Casper (he shows up at the very end to dance with Christina Ricci. By the way, I watched Casper recently and it holds up. I don’t remember it being such a tear-jerker, though).

Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Devon…that other guy on the right, this was my 8 year-old HBO After Dark, okay?

So, I’ve been wondering what he’s been up to since Idle Hands and that video for that  Eminem song, ‘Stan’, and I found Devon’s twitter. What I learned from following him is that he’s been keeping himself busy, and there are lots of different sides to him.

Before we get started, I have a little disclaimer from Devon himself:

You hear that, people? If you shake your head clean off your neck, Devon and I are not responsible!

Alright, check ‘I agree to these terms’ and let’s go on this Twitter adventure together.

The Many Masks of Devon Sawa:

There’s Devon Sawa, The Animal Lover:

Devon Sawa, The Environmentalist:

Devon Sawa, The Catskill Comedian:

 Devon Sawa, Women’s Rights Activist:

 Devon Sawa, Fashionista:

Devon Sawa, World Traveler:

Devon Sawa, The Mathematician:

Devon Sawa, The Athlete:

And of course…

Devon Sawa, The Actor:

(I can tell you how that workshop went: ‘Alright, so while you’re acting, point and swat towards the camera. That’s it! Thanks for the 300 bucks!’)

Oh, Devon, thank you for the childhood memories.

Well, I guess that’s it. As Devon would say:

Twitter Tuesday: Kim Kardashian

What does Kim have on her mind today?

……….

Ohhhhh… okay. Kim was making a little joke! Good for you, Kim.

Well, just set up a meeting with Ryan Sea…er… “Cupid” and you two can discuss his casting decisions…. I mean…. “aim.” Just kidding @miilkkk, you will never get within 50 feet of Ry….pid…

Ok, let me preface this by saying suicide is never the answer, but if this really is the most exciting day of your life, I don’t really see many other options for you. So let’s not be so easy breezy with those hyperboles.

I’m with Kim on this one. It’s hard to fathom what TV writers are going to come up with. Just consider yourself lucky they didn’t kill you off or recast you with a cardboard cut out of yourself.

Finally! The name of the sequel to her sex tape is revealed!

Hold on, can I just throw in some Khloe for good measure?

…Yes…yes, Maude Apatow, she did. Sorry, this was all that was left over in the Female Role Model Discount Bin. Is it too late to pick Melissa Joan Hart? I’m pretty sure she made it through her 20′s without a DUI….

And lastly….

I think that one can stand on its own.