Category Archives: Food

7 Rules of Brunch

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(Guest Editorial)

Brunch: It’s the most important meal of the week. It serves as the foundation for your entire week, your relationships, friendships and way of life. Brunch should never be taken lightly; it’s a serious engagement that deserves respect, attention and the right amount of TLC.

As a twenty something, you should view brunch as your guide to understanding your life and because of this, it should be prescribed regularly.

Because brunch can be an intricate mind game, I decided I would come up with the rules or brunch to help you understand what exactly is expected of you at brunch and to ensure that you get the most out of your brunching experience.

Women On Vacation

1. Brunch is not brunch without alcohol (unless you’re under 21 or a recovering alcoholic–then we can let this slide). The whole reason for brunch is to wash away the destruction you did the night before. You can’t possibly do that with a yogurt parfait and water, so be sure you start your day off right with a mimosa/bloody mary (or five, whatever you want to do).

2. Brunch should only occur with important people in your life. Brunch is a time for honesty. Did you do something stupid last night? People who care about you are going to tell you that you’re dumb, acquaintances will not. Brunch is a time for catching up. You don’t care what an acquaintance has been doing, but you totally need to know about your friend’s new beau or job. Save paltry lunches for acquaintances, because brunch is about a deep-seeded love that only people who matter can fill.

3. Brunch is about dishing on your latest escapes with no shame. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a hole-in-the-wall brunch spot or a fancy restaurant, this is the time you tell you friends about the crazy one night stand or rendezvous you had. Maybe you got some crazy sex toy from Adam and Eve? Who cares, dish about it. While brunch is a time for honesty, it’s also a no judgement zone.

4. Don’t worry about what you look like. Brunch is about wearing last night’s eyeliner. Always. Just smear it back in place. It’s not like you’re going to meet any single guys there anyway. The majority of men at brunch are gay or with their girlfriend’s. On second thought, you might bump into your ex and his new girlfriend, so at least run a comb through that hair, you lazy alch-y.

5. Brunch should not be hurried. Like a good wine, brunch should be savored and enjoyed. Don’t rush it like some undergrad beer bonging water down beer. Brunch can be a spiritual experience, like shoe shopping, and needs to be regarded as such. If you don’t have at least an hour, if not three, to dedicate to brunching, skip it. You can’t possibly work out all your problems, relationship woes and drama in under an hour. Don’t worry, servers love it when you take up their table for 3 hours.

6. Brunch only happens between the hours of 11AM and 3PM on a Saturday or Sunday. A meal before 11AM on the weekend (or anytime really) is breakfast. A meal after 3PM is a late lunch or dinner. Don’t mess with brunch and schedule it super early or late. This is not Nam. This is brunch. There are rules! Lebowski fans, anyone? Bueller? No? Fine.

7. Finally, brunch is a celebration (of life, love, happiness, success…) and should always be had when there is a reason to celebrate. Honor your good news and pair it with brunch, because there’s no better feeling than fluffy french toast topped with success and maple syrup.

Did your last brunch stand up to the rules?

Sugarlyn Cakes

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I have lived a very difficult life at the hands of my mother. Because of her, nearly every elementary school class birthday has been ruined for me. Since childhood, I have had an extremely refined palate for cakes due to her superior baking, which makes it impossible for me to enjoy grocery store baked goods or canned frostings, and I seemed to be the only 8 year old who knew that apple juice does not go with cake. Milk goes with cake, MILK! Who raised you, elementary school parents? Certainly not my mother.

On a weekly basis I had to politely eat the cupcakes and juice parents brought in for birthdays, wishing that like the other students, I was blissfully ignorant to the delicious cupcakes that existed in the world. Cupcakes that ruin you for all other cupcakes. The only solace I had was when my birthday rolled around and my mother could finally bring in her baked goods and MILK. We always killed it for my class birthday. In the fifth grade, I came up with the brilliant and totally unexpected plan to have a Hoodsie sundae bar. The best class birthdays always came from the chubby kids, and thanks to my size 16′s I was throwing milk-fused ragers.

I’ve always told my mother she should sell her cupcakes, and after winning the baking contest at the Fluff festival a few weeks ago, she finally decided to do it!

Introducing Sugarlyn Cakes!

 

{instagram: @daralaine}

So if you ever want to order some, let me know. For the drop-off, we can meet in a public, neutral location in case you’re using your cupcake order as an opportunity to murder me while enjoying delicious treats.

Fluff Festival in Somerville, MA

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Can I interest you in a little light reading? Mostly pictures, nothing you have to think too hard about. A “FLUFF” piece, if you will?

On Saturday, I went to the Fluff* Festival in Somerville, MA (which is basically just Boston with a little bit more parking) with my saintly mother, Lynne. The hipsters and hipsters with children (apparently, their skinny jeans  have not cut off enough circulation to their genitalia to stop them from having children. Shame. Also, doesn’t Genitalia sound like something a hipster would name their kid?) were out in full force. We didn’t let that stop us, though. There was marshmallow creme product to be eaten, and we were all business.

The best of the food was the pumpkin fluff cannoli, which was essentially just a tube of fried dough. Another highlight was the coffee porter with fluff vodka and a Fluff floater, and the Shipyard Pumpkinhead with Vanilla Vodka and a Fluff floater. Both were delightful, and I can probably never drink or smell them again. :(

{Follow me on Instagram: @daralaine}

But the best part of the day was when my mom won the baking contest with her pumpkin cupcakes with maple-Fluff cream cheese frosting!

I’m so proud!

*Does anyone reading this NOT know what Fluff is? I thought everyone did, but I think it’s just a New England thing, which means we are obnoxious about it. It’s marshmallow creme, made in Lynn, Mass… we use hot cocoa as a vessel for Fluff. Or we eat it by the spoonful. One time I made an eggo panini using two eggos, peanut butter, fluff, and a Mike Tyson grill. Is that an eating disorder? [Update: Mike Tyson doesn't have a grill, it was a broken george foreman grill that didn't heat up so I just smooshed the eggo's together. Eating disorder?]

St. Paddy’s Day

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This year I went out with my family for St. Patrick’s Day (I say that like I don’t always go out with my parent’s for St. Patrick’s Day), and we did some early day drinking. There are good things and bad things about partying with your parents- Good: they pay. Bad: they still make you get up early and be ‘on time’ to go to a bar. My parents were very upset with me that my application of my Sally Hansen nail strips resulted in us getting to the bar at 10:30 and not 10, which was our target arrival time. But I made cake, and I don’t know what else these people want from me.

{Green Wedding Cake…5 years ago on St. Paddy’s Day my mom found out she was breast cancer free, hence the ’5′}

Are you sick of all the pictures you’ve been seeing this weekend of your friends holding a beer? Yup, this is what beer looks like.

{Blue Moon}

{Old Men Singing}

{Sally Hansen Nails}

{Bailey’s and Kahlua Coffee}

{Mamaaaa}

{Shipyard Applehead}

{Tatah Tots}

{Corned Beef Quesadilla}

{Sweet Potato Fries and Homemade Ketchup}

Peanut Butter Cheerios

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I have some really serious cereal business to discuss with all of you.

(Am I scraping the bottom of the barrel on this one, or what?)

(It’s not lost on me that not only have I instagrammed Cheerios, but I have tried to do so with some artistic pizzaz, which I’m sure makes this all a lot worse).

This is some important breakfast time news, and as a blogger/brunch enthusiast (which encompasses things both breakfast and lunch related plus everything in between where that venn diagram meets to form ‘brunch’) it’s my responsibility to deliver you the big  stories (and hope that General Mills throws some free boxes my way. Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Dulce de Leche, and Cinnamon Burst ONLY, please. You can keep your Cheerios Crunch!)

But for reals, banana peals (that’s a little professional fruit humor) this stuff is crazy good. Really authentically peanut buttery– and I have a really delicate palate, so I’m acutely aware of artificial flavors. It also has a great mouth-feel, a nice hearty crunch, but not overly so, like a Cap’n Crunch (how do people eat that? It cuts the roof of my mouth and then I have to wear my old retainer for 2 days until it feels better).

For a real culinary adventure, try your Peanut Butter Cheerios with sliced bananas. You are welcome, foodies!

Mini Wine Bottles

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I have a passion for things that are either comically large or comically small.

That’s me with a very large wine bottle. Right there I’m trying to hold it in, but you can tell that I’m just loving how unexpectedly over-sized it is.

As much as I love big bottles of wine for their comedic value and the quantity of actual wine inside of them, I have recently developed a new affection for very small bottles of wine (yes, you heard me! I love wine bottles both very large and very small!!! Keep reading for the rest of the details!)

I love mini wine bottles (like this Sutter Home Sauvignon Blanc that comes in packs of 4) because it allows me to reenact key scenes from Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (to be clear, that’s the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids sequel, not some kind of snarky, comedic terrorist snuff film… because even terrorists want to laugh? Maybe they don’t- I don’t know any terrorists. I DIGRESS).

For me, the mini wine bottles are like the hundred calorie packs of Oreos. A little portion control to keep you honest. Individual wine bottles are also the ideal size to sneak into a movie theatre, which according to my mother, is “not cute anymore.” Ya know, one college diploma and suddenly I’m some adult who can’t drink cheap booze during any occasion!

Regardless, these things are perfectly sized for a purse or deep pocket. Much more efficient than taking a bag of wine out the box and trying to fit that in your pants.

Pink Ombre Cake

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I’ve got a lot of time on my hands.

HOW MUCH TIME, DARA?!

This much!

I made this pink, ombre, Lisa Vanderpump homage for my mom’s birthday on February 5th. This thing took 5 hours for me to make from start to finish, but it’s worth it if you have little going on in your life and need something to feel good about.

I used this recipe (doubled. Great recipe, by the way). There’s nothing I can tell you about how to make the colors like they are, other than you need time and patience with food coloring, but you can try this for the assembly.

I’d post more, but I’m in the midst of part 2 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, and I’m really wrapped up in this new Brandi/Lisa alliance… There is not time to blog!

Here’s some more pictures, though. Sorry to anyone who follows me on Instagram- I was blowing up your feed yesterday. (Follow me on Instagram @daralaine)

    

NYC Trip

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After yesterday’s excruciatingly long post about something that only a small group of people can understand and appreciate, (that’s a great blogging tip– write long, drawn out posts that only appeal to a small sector of your audience. Take that to the bank) I thought I’d cleanse your palates with something a little easier to read with lots of pictures.

Last Wednesday I drove to Jersey City (where I was staying) to go to an Emerson College Networking event in NYC with my friend Jillian (go read her new blog, The Cool Kid’s Table). Now, the only thing I enjoy more than making plans with friends is when the other party breaks them last minute and I can get back into my Sad Dara clothes (garments with no shape and/or elastic waist band to aid in comfortable weight fluctuation), but this time I was all pumped up to drive 4 hours to the land of the Manzos.

Why was this time so different? Well, other than the fact that I was happy to see Jill, we had reservations at The City Hall Restaurant in Tribeca for their Restaurant Week 3 courses for $35 menu. Listen, I’ll drive up to two hours for something like Sonic tater tots–even if Jill cancelled, I would have shown up for my discounted gourmet food alone.

{NYC skyline from Jersey City}

{Blood orange margarita}

{Candy cane beet salad with fried goat cheese}

{Henry braised short rib with beans and an onion ring}

{Chocolate bread pudding with Nutella ice cream and cherry compote}

The trip was a success except for the fact that despite the networking event I still don’t have a job (turns out that at these things it tends to just be a lot of people who also don’t have jobs), and I did not see one Manzo or Laurita family member.

Sitting Alone in Public

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Back when I had braces, one of my favorite things was after an orthodontist visit, I would go to Friendly’s with my mom or dad (as a chubby kid, all of my favorite things involved red meat, french fries, and not being in school. Kids are mean!).

Apparently, though, Friendly’s is a real hot bed for lonely senior citizens. Every time I went there, there was some old man or woman sitting alone eating, and I would torture myself by making up some sort of scenario where their spouse had died or they never married because their one true love died in the icy Atlantic Ocean as the Titanic sunk beneath them (remember, this was the late 90′s. Having a lover die in a ship wreck ‘Caprio-style was the height of romance).  Heart breaking.

While old people sitting alone drinking a fribble is tragic, it’s not so for the young. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how they would feel too weird eating at a restaurant or going to a movie alone.

I feel like people who are afraid of sitting alone think that people around them will think they’re a loser, but that’s not the case. The other day I was sitting at a bar in a restaurant with my dad and this woman -probably in her late 20′s- was sitting alone at the bar. First of all, she was pounding back sushi like a champ. I’ve never seen anything like it- very admirable. She was drinking wine and doing work on her lap top, and I never thought she was a loser. I thought she was my bad ass lady hero.

I don’t think anyone should feel uncomfortable about sitting alone, as long as you don’t eat at an Applebees. Or an Outback Steakhouse. That does actually look sad. But sitting at the bar at a swanky restaurant or at a cafe and you’re all sorts of Carrie Bradshaw

… I promise I’m going to stop with the Sex and the City references. That was it. That was the last one.

Gift Ideas for Poor People

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If you’re anything like me, you’re poor. The holidays are a really hard time for poor people. Suddenly you’re expected to spend money that doesn’t exist. On other people, no less. Or maybe you have just enough money to buy gifts for your family, but you have friends you know are getting you something, so now you have to get them something (which is the true spirit of the holiday season). Or maybe you had plenty of money but you spent it on yourself.

One thing working in your impoverished favor, is that during the holidays, no one can fault you for a bad gift if it appears that you put thought into it. That is our goal here today: gifts with feigned thought put into them. Gift baskets are great for this purpose.

Now, I know when you think gift basket you’re thinking fancy pears and Boursin cheese, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The beauty of a gift basket is you can make it as expensive or inexpensive as you want, and the fact that you gathered things in a basket gives off the illusion that you put a lot of thought into your gift.

The most important aspect and step one of these gifts is the basket. Look around your basement. If you really are an American, there’s a cheap basket from a yard sale somewhere in your house. If you’re a communist and don’t have a basket, it’s past yard sale season and you’re going to have to buy one. Try a craft store.

So with that, gift basket ideas for those of all varying poverty levels.

1. Movie Night Basket

For the super poor: Look around your house for an old DVD still in its cellophane (this actually points to a greater lesson: always keep your DVDs in cellophane until you’re ready to use- you never know when you can use Legally Blonde 2 for a last minute gift. You won’t miss it). Steal 2 cans of soda, candy, and popcorn from around your house.

For the poor: Go to Walmart and look through the big bin of $5 DVDs. Bonus if you can find something fun like Spice World, but you’ll probably just end up with White Chicks. Look for random candy around your house, maybe buy a box of Goobers. Get two cans of diet coke from the super market vending machine, buy a couple of rum nips, and a box of popcorn.

For the barely employed: Movie passes or a season of something like Breaking Bad. Buy a 6 pack of glass Coke bottles (put two in the basket and keep the rest for yourself), rum nips, assorted boxes of movie candy, a box of popcorn, and those little popcorn flavor shakers. Instead of a basket a cute idea is also getting one of the buckets of popcorn you can get at Blockbuster… if you can find a Blockbuster.

2. Fiesta Basket

For the super poor: Hopefully you have an unopened bottle of tequila or some nips around. If not, you probably wont’t get out of this cheap. If you do, then take a lime from the fridge, steal a bunch of salt packets from McDonald’s, get a bag of tortilla chips and call it a day.

For the poor: Get like, 5 nips of various tequila brands (pass it off as a tequila tasting. I think that sounds pretty legit), buy chips, salsa, and then go to the dollar store and buy some maracas.

For the barely employed: You can get a bottle of Chi-Chi’s light margaritas for 7.99 (don’t spring for some brand name Skinnygirl. You’re not made of money). Get a taco making kit at the super market (they probably have that, right?), and then obviously the maracas so they have something to do after they finish the Chi-Chi’s.

3. Wine Basket

For the super poor: Your options include 2 buck chuck or regifting a bottle if you can. Don’t worry, there is no shane in 2 Buck Chuck. If anything it’s charming. Again, steal what you can from the house. Maybe put crackers and cheese on your parent’s grocery list for “yourself.” We must be resourceful in these trying economic times.

For the poor: Do what you can with the bottle of wine. Then head to CVS and get some jerky, a bag of Hershey’s kisses, some generic crackers, and cheese.

For the barely employed: Wine. Then try the Christmas Tree Shop if that is an option for you geographically (and God help you if it isn’t), and look for some festive wine glasses, which usually only go for $1.99, but really up the overall production value of the basket. Then assemble any other wine-y things we’ve discussed based on how much money you have left.

As you can see, there’s a basket for every price range. Only your own creativity can limit you now. Now go forth and spread cheer like you were always meant to do.