About Dara Laine

Comedic Actor and Writer

Another Episode?!

You people simply won’t believe this. There’s another episode of “You Need Therapy!” my world renowned podcast, available for your listening pleasure! And not just another episode… a FIFTH episode that I have managed to post on the day I said I would. Yes you heard that right, a new episode comes out every Wednesday! Sure, did I post about it here on my long neglected blog on Thursday? 7:30 PST which is 10:30 EST which is practically Friday? Maybe! I guess so! It sounds just as good as it would if you knew about it Wednesday!

Welp, here’s episode 5. We talk about reality TV and motivation/procrastination… two subjects I know well and have been detrimental to my life and wellbeing.

If you’re so inclined, please subscribe to “You Need Therapy!” Another easy thing to do is rate us! A harder thing to do is comment on our podcast in iTunes. I understand you all have jobs and this is inconvenient. But understand it takes a village to raise me into a famous person. It’s v. v. important to give us stars and comments on iTunes because it pushes us up in the ratings which is what we need if this podcast is ever going to be something other than a thing that gives me false illusions that I’m being productive.

Was that too sad? Oh well! Listen to us! Ask us questions to answer on the show! 

You Need Therapy! Podcast is LIVE LIVE LIVE

YOUNEEDMy friend Shannon Amabile and I started a podcast- She’s an actual MFT and I’m a therapist like a bartender’s a therapist. We’re also comedians! The goal of the podcast is to help relieve the stigma of getting help for mental health issues both big and small. And to be famous!

We’d love to have some questions to answer on future episodes, so if you need any advice or have questions like “what personality disorder do you think Lindsay Lohan has?” (that particular question is covered, but you get the idea) you can email us at youneedtherapypodcast@gmail.com or submit anonymously at our tumblr http://youneedtherapypodcast.tumblr.com/

Please download our podcast on iTunes… subscribe, rate, review and help us get into the New and Noteworthy section so I at least have some hope of not handing out samples at Whole Foods across SoCal for the rest of my life!


My New Podcast!


Hello friendos.

Very soon, I’m putting out a new podcast! It’s called “You Need Therapy!” and it’s cohosted by my friend Shannon who is an MFT and a comedian. We met in UCB improv level THUH-REE so you know we must be funny because they don’t let just anybody into 301 improv. No way. Sometimes they don’t let people advance because they pose an emotional or physical threat to the other students. Not us. We made it to level 3 because the only physical threat we pose is to your funny bone.

Basically, we talk about different topics and how they relate to psychology and therapy. And sometimes we do it in (debatably) funny voices. We’re recording a bunch of episodes now so we can actually release them every week on the same day and the same time like professionals and not like the last time I had a podcast where I released them whenever I had time between Below Deck reruns and then got sick of it after two months.

So, although this is not specifically an advice podcast, we do want to take questions and answer them on the show. If you have a question relating to love, relationships of all kinds, identity, self esteem, mental health, etc. etc. etc. and you would like one qualified individual and one know-it-all to answer it on air, email us at youneedtherapypodcast@gmail.com! We can keep you anonymous if you’d like! You can also ask anonymously in my Ask Me section on this blog.

And of course, when we start releasing episodes I’ll tell you alllll about it.

SoulCycle is Going Public!

What is SoulCycle? What does going public mean?

Well, I’ve known about SoulCycle since the heady first days of Perez Hilton when Microsoft Paint cum drawings flowed from Mischa Barton’s mouth like gold. As a girl I would read the stories of Charlize Theron SoulCycling by day and Olsen Twins drinking with Danny Masterson at Hyde Lounge by night, and I said to myself, “by God, someday.. someday!…”

Well, actually, I can’t remember what exactly I said to myself because I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine, but I know it was something like “if SoulCycle is good enough for Aviva Drescher, Real Housewife and The Nanny’s sister-in-law, then by God it’s good enough for me.”

So I sold all my belongings (that my parents bought me) and took my car (that I made them give me) and drove all alone (during the times when my mom slept in the passenger’s seat after she had driven 8 hours) out to Los Angeles with barely a dollar to my name (and then the several more dollars they had to their names) I came to the city of Angels and finally attended my first SoulCycle class (that my friend paid for).

And SoulCycle was everything every Charlize Theron said it would be. $34 a class will buy you a religious experience! Best workout of muh life! Seriously, I was very close to joining this v. v. productive cult… if I could afford it… and I couldn’t!  But at least I kind of GOT what all those Charles Manson peeps were getting at. Like, cults are cool, I am IN!

Here’s me after my friend Becca’s “birthday ride” which is a thing. I’m so happy! And none of these people agreed to appear on my blog!
soulcycle Anyway, what does all of that have to do with SoulCycle going public?

I dunno! I only know about a business “going public” because of the show Empire which is my favorite show because it’s Nashville with hip-hop, but without Connie Britton, but also better. So if going public means the same thing for SoulCycle as it does for Empire it means that there’s um…. there’s shareholder meetings…and… underwriters…. and no one can get Lou Gehrig’s disease or the deal is null and void?

IDK!!! COOKIE????!!!!!!

So sorry, I do not actually know what this means for SoulCycle… hope you enjoyed my blog and here’s an article about SoulCycle going public. 

I-P-O! I-P-O!!!!

Leave Planned Parenthood Alone, BASICSSSS

FIIIIRST, if you are pro-choice, you aren’t pro-abortion. None of us are chompin’ on fetus limb tempura and chasing it with some pinot. Or maybe a spicy cab? Dunno what fetus pairs well with LOL

Thought I’d clear the misconceptions with that one first. 


Some idiot ANTI-CHOICE group took an undercover video of a PP doctor talking about the distribution of aborted fetus limbs and heavily edited it to try and make it sound incriminating. In reality, they were talking about a tissue donation program, ya know for like, SCIENCE. (You can read the PP statement about it). 

Just a gentle reminder, abortion is legal– it’s still putting the “A” in the good ole’ U-S-of, so why wouldn’t we donate tissue towards stem cell research and the like?


Because now GOP senators are just tryin’ their G-darndest to take away PP’s Title X funding. Their defense is that women with “legitimate healthcare needs” will find somewhere else to go besides Planned Parenthood. EXCEPT.


Title X funding never goes towards abortions services… oops oops oops!!! 

And actually if you take away safe access to abortion, ladies will still find a way to take care of this legitimate health care need. As in, rich women will find a way to do it safely, and poor people will do it dangerously or not at all. Meaning poor people will have kids they can’t afford OR they’ll end up dead from a botched aborsh, while rich people will continue to stay rich, sitting pretty on their taints untainted by childbirth. 

Now, if you’re salivating over this story and feeling vindicated because PP is a bunch of liberals picking the quinoa out of their teeth with baby bones, please remember this:

Abortions are 3% of what Planned Parenthood does…mostly they are trying to keep STD’s off the streets and are handing out condoms and squeezing the middle aged titties belonging to low income women afraid of tittie cancer.


If you think you care so much about unborn babies, ask yourself what these people who go to these extreme lengths to discredit PP are doing to help the actual out-of-the-vag babies? Maybe if they put a little more time into caring for babies whose parents have no money or making sure that drug addicts knew where to get some free condoms, maybe, JUST MAYBE, we’d have less abortions AND less children in the foster care system.

I probably changed 0 hearts and minds with this blog post, but if you already agree with me, GO HERE and tell them dummies that you’re all about that Planned Parenthood life!

Blessings to you and yours!


Screen Shot 2015-07-28 at 6.53.08 PMI’ve been hearing a lot lately about the term “vocal fry” (when your vocal chords rub together and cause a gravely noise when you speak) and how it causes young women to look unprofessional/forces every other demographic to hate us even more than they usually do.

I’ve actually known about vocal fry for a while because I took voices lessons for years (because I am CHI-CHI-CHI-CHIC) and it hurts your delicate little chords that make dah music in your throat pipe. So I will say firstly, you probably shouldn’t vocal fry if you’re like P!nk or someone who talks a lot for a living, but not because some asshole freelance writer at Business Insider told you not to.

I read somewhere (I DON’T CARE WHERE) that middle aged men in business (ya know, the ones holding the power over young females just starting off in business) tend to “disregard” women who vocal fry…..



Guess what? Except for maybe your dad, every middle aged man disregards young women.

Girls aren’t the only ones who vocal fry or up-speak or say “just” to preface a request. Guys do it too, people just don’t notice or care as much because they aren’t looking for any possible reason to not take them seriously or recognize them as humans.






My “The Bachelorette” Finale Think Piece


I have actually never seen The Bachelor or The Bachelorette until this season. When I tell people that they’re shocked, but in general I’m very loyal to the Bravo TV reality show canon, though I can some times be swayed over to VH1 for things relating to Ice T/Coco or rehab. I’ve maybe been a little too proud in the past that The Bachelor juggernaut was not something I participated in. I considered myself a hipster in the reality TV community: making niche references to Gallery Girls… telling people “DC was one of my favorite Real Housewives cities, but I bet you probably haven’t seen it.” Looking back, I guess I was a monster.

I’m hesitant to tell you how I got into The Bachelorette this season because it is far too predictable white girl comedian of me, but when Amy Schumer was on an episode this season, I watched her segment. I didn’t even start watching after her episode, but something compelled me and I watched the final 5 episodes, and I guess I’m into it because on my DVR I have every Kaitlyn Bristowe talk show appearance from the last 24 hours. I do have a lot of questions, concerns, complaints about the show as a whole and some thoughts on my Bachelorette journey.

  • How is this show 2 hours? I get that it’s a very popular show so they just want to suck up the time slot, but I could cut this show down to a tight 45 if they just let me edit out all the times someone says a variation of the phrase “I can’t believe how crazy this is” thus beginning a whole conversation about how crazy this is.
  • As viewers, did you all make the agreement long ago that you assume huge aspects of the show are manipulated by the producers, but will move on as if they are not? I ask because realistically, you would think that the Bachelor or Bachelorette probably finds someone he/she likes pretty quickly, writing everyone else off… just judging by general human behavior. My guess was Kaitlyn knew Shawn was IT very quickly, and judging by Kaitlyn’s v. v. cool, down to earth (DTE), smooth operating personality she walked up to some producer, told them the business, and everyone involved knew they had to do some recon and bring some new blood into the competition. And who better than that dead eyed, lazy mouthed, wet noodle Nick. He has no soul our humanity and has a reputation to fix. Which brings me to my next point:
  • Everything I’m reading about the show is how seemingly educated freelance writers feel bad for Nick and aren’t considering that Nick was in on this mission. I do think Kaitlyn and Nick had sex and they had some chemistry. I think maybe they both got a little caught up in things, but I think they threw Nick in there because they had a good feeling that based on their previous interactions, Kaitlyn would at least be attracted to him enough to create some sort of problems between her and Shawn. Also, I don’t feel bad for Nick because I think he was in on this the whole time. He came back for the opportunity to get dumped again and this time handle it more gracefully.
  • Another thought: I have to get used to the fact that these guys and gals are not operating on the same spiritual or intellectual plane as the rest of us. Because: When I started watching the last 3 episodes before the Dum Dums Tell All, it was down to the kid who looks like a young Christopher Knight or an older Peter Brady, Nick, and Gosling. I said Chris Knight was too young for Kaitlyn. Gosling I remembered from the stand up episode as a garbage pile, and Nick was age appropriate and not a protein powder snorting personal trainer. So I was team Nick for one episode. Then I found out Nick was the monster of a previous season. And I also thought Gosling is an idiot but at least he’s not a psychopath and also if she dumps him he might kill himself which is sweet, ya know? Gosling is still an idiot, but he seems nice enough, and at the end of the day, I get the feeling that though Kaitlyn’s sister made a real mess of those highlights she painted on her head, it’s Kaitlyn who makes most of the mistakes in that family, at least when it comes to men. At this point, I think maybe I just have to make peace with the fact that Shawn is not the worst Kaitlyn could do when there are still plenty of single serial killers and con men and NFL players out there just waiting to ruin a little duckling like Kaitlyn. Our little duckling.
  • Okay, I’m bored… oh and,
  • Would it KILL them to cast a black Bachelor or Bachelorette?!

People Who Still Make Fun of Kim Kardashian are BASICCCC

Last week Kim Kardashian was on an episode of the NPR game show podcast “Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me” which is a dumb podcast that is not as good as the less appreciated NPR game show podcast “Ask Me Another.” Kim was an utter delight, but NPR listeners freaked out that she and her voice were not worthy of being inside their elitist ear holes. And to them, and every other person who still makes fun of Kim, I say “YERRR BASICKKKKK.”

Still calling someone basic might be considered basic, but I think basic is a word we need in the English language. It’s timeless, and I think if you want me to eradicate this word from my repertoire, you might as well ask me to give up words like “love,” “God,” and “America.”

So, yah basic, Kiki haters. I was once one of you for sure. I never watched anything in the Kardashian kanon until the Caitlyn stuff happened and I still have no idea if Dash is a real store. I judged Kim sight unseen because of the sex tape thing and just her whole lifestyle in general, but I have seen the light and I think Kim is great. I think she’s smart, I think she’s in on it, I think she’s really sweet, and I don’t think she’s any worse than any other celebrity out there who is making money off selling their baby’s first photo spread to People Magazine. If you’re still stumbling around telling everyone that the Kardashians are what’s wrong with this country, then go find a middle aged white male meet up group so you can discuss in peace that and how kids these days won’t stop tweeting about what they had for lunch today.

And stop kalling Khloe “the ugly one!” She’s not the ugly one, and even if she was you’re rude and basic and probably the ugly one in most social circles. BYYYYE.

Deleted Scenes of Women in Disaster Films Written by Men

Happy Friday, Dream Lovers. Here is the newest video I wrote and co-star in.

In these deleted scenes of women in disaster films written by men, some probing questions will finally be answered, including “how does the modern woman facing imminent death in the zombie apocalypse find the time to keep her armpits looking so fresh and hairless?”

If you’re interested in my write about up about the video that was featured on Amy Poehler’s Smart Girl website, here’s the link.