5 “Nice Guy” Myths

Addendum: When I say “Nice Guy,” I don’t mean actually nice, kind men. I’m talking about jerks in sheep’s clothing. The Nice Guy I’m referring to is the kind of guy who, somewhere along the way, was taught that if he was polite to a woman or listened to her while she talked pilates class drama that she owed him something. An example would be when  you’re on a date with a guy, and he’s very polite and gentlemanly and insists on paying the bill. Then, when you don’t go home with him he gets angry or annoyed or calls you a tease. “But I’m being NICE and you stupid girls always talk about how you all want a NICE guy.” Which then usually prompts these guys to think, “well, girls only date assholes and if you’re too nice to them then they just want to be your friend,” never stopping to think that being polite (particularly, when you’re doing it for disingenuous reasons) isn’t the same as being a good person. 

Before we get to the hard hitting facts portion of this blog, I’d like to show you the source material for today’s post: The Nice Guys of OKCupid. A slightly controversial tumblr about men on the dating site who call themselves “nice guys,” yet also feel like ladies should be “obligated” to shave their legs, while they let their jazz dots and chest hair roam free. Here’s a nice little write-up on the site.

tumblr_mfuocnOU9m1s0cjm8o1_500

Example

This new tumblr has inspired me to dispel some myths so we can educate these “Nice Guys” (who are actually just jerks that think opening your car door is the fastest way to open the door to your heart. Just kidding. Your vagina).

MYTH: Nice Guys finish last.

FACT: Tom Hanks seems very agreeable, and one might say that he has done well or finished first in both career and romance (Rita Wilson, you are aging like wine). This saying just makes no sense at all. Perhaps it is a very effective way to convince yourself that nothing is wrong with you, only with the women who choose not to date you. The saying “nice guys finish last” seems like the cousin to the phrase “I’m too dedicated” in response to the question at a job interview, “what’s your worst quality?” You do have a worst quality and it is not that you open doors and don’t back hand me for getting sassy with you.

MYTH: “I’m so nice that I keep getting put in the ‘friendzone.'” 

just-friends

FACT: There is no such thing as a friendzone. The friend in question just doesn’t find you attractive. Remember in “Just Friends” when the women didn’t want to date fat Ryan Reynolds even though she liked his personality? At that point he was no where near attractive enough for her. She was so hot that she was making like a Rockford Peach. Girl was in a League. Of. Her. Own. Then when Ryan gets hot, suddenly, “ruining their friendship” isn’t such a big deal anymore. Do you really think that we would choose not to date a good guy that we found attractive and we knew liked us because of some weird friending policy that we instated at our last “Ladies Trying to Ruin the Lives of Men” meeting that all women of child bearing years are obligated to attend?

MYTH: Women only date assholes.

FACT: Well, Rihanna dates an asshole. Your point checks out so far…

BUT, this one time in college I dumped a guy because he was an asshole. Sorry! Foiled again, Nice Guy!

MYTH: If I’m NICE to a women then she is obligated to date me or give me her panties to show my friends in the bathroom at prom (I’M not saying “panties;” I’m using Nice Guy vernacular). 

16-candles-panties

FACT: Just because you displayed some basic human civility doesn’t mean anyone has to throw you a boobie parade.

MYTH: This isn’t true! You’re an uptight, feminazi bitch, Dara!

FACT: Heeeyyyy! Calling someone a bitch isn’t very Nice Guy of you! And I am not uptight, you should see me after I’ve had a mojito.

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26 thoughts on “5 “Nice Guy” Myths

  1. Pingback: Meet the “Nice Guys” of Okcupid « Dead Wild Roses

  2. Awesome! Just plain awesome. You are so right about the friend zone. I started thinking about the guy friends that ended up having feelings for me and the reason I didn’t want each of them was because I wasn’t attracted. Dar, you are a genius!

    • Thank you!!! I mean c’mon, a guy who you like but aren’t attracted to is a friend. The criteria for a boyfriend is someone you like and are attracted to. Attraction is the primary difference! Guys say we’re so confusing, but I think it’s quite simple!

  3. I have to tell you, I agree with much of what you had said but I’ve known more than my fair share of women dating some of the biggest losers you ever want to lay eyes on. And these aren’t women who are desperate or stupid or lazy. I’m talking about attractive girls with good educations and good jobs. Worst thing is that some of these “men” aren’t necessarily what I would even call good looking. But they date them, or move in with them, and after the guy has been unemployed or drunk or high for the past 6 months the finally wise up and show him the door only to let in another parade of real winners.
    i’m not saying only women do this but it seems to be a much more prevalent trait among women than men.

  4. This post would clear up 99% of online dating problems. Funny and scary. I’ll have to check out the tumblr site.

    I’ve nominated you for a blogging award. Thanks for sharing and daring to be “sassy”. ;)

    • Thank you so much! Boy, I really am sassy, huh? I know I am on here, but even when I try not to be sassy in real life people still pick up on it. Sassy emanates from my pores. If I had $500,000 for every time a guy has told me that I’m listed as “Sassy” in their phone, I’d be a millionaire!

  5. What a great article. Love the humor and details included. Oh, not to mention the pic from the classic bathroom scene in Sixteen Candles. Love the way you tied this all together. And thanks for following my very crude start of a blog, sistah. Best to you and yours. Kelsey

  6. Great thoughts. Discourse is key on this topic. Thanks for sharing. Personally, I’ve found much more rewarding relationships when I see beyond the first impression. some people make great first impressions while others are worth a third shot before you get a glimpse of just how awesome they can be. When you a get a man who has been groomed to expect a woman to be the petals of his success flower and the etiquette to go along with it, a woman who knows her worth as a human will not be his best match. But it always makes for fun interaction you can write about ;) So let’s hope more men are groomed to appreciate women more fully and this will reduce significantly.

  7. Pingback: Some Men Shave Their Legs And Some Women Don’t, Carry On | LOLBuzzed

  8. Pingback: Some Men Shave Their Legs And Some Women Don’t, Carry On | シ最愛遲到.!

  9. So, you started this post by clarifying that when you refer to Nice Guys, you mean the Nice Guys of OKCupid. But as you continue into what you have written, you increasingly use that source material to refer to all men who consider themselves Nice Guys.

    You said of OKCupid Nice Guys: “Which then usually prompts these guys to think, “well, girls only date assholes and if you’re too nice to them then they just want to be your friend,””

    This something which kind, nice men think, not what an OKCupid fake Nice Guy would think, since the latter are assholes themselves. Why would they be pretending to be nice if they thought that being too nice makes women want to be only your friend?

    “A slightly controversial tumblr about men on the dating site who call themselves “nice guys,” yet also feel like ladies should be “obligated” to shave their legs”

    Just a quick point – “nice” is a very common adjective, most people would describe themselves as nice. Simply because these men count themselves as “Nice Guys” doesn’t mean they identify themselves as one of the “Nice Guy” archetype.

    “MYTH: Nice Guys finish last (…) Tom Hanks finished first (…) This saying just makes no sense at all.”

    I think the reason you think the saying makes no sense at all is because you don’t understand it. “Nice Guys finish last” is a reference to the fact that women are attracted to masculine traits, which include risk-taking behaviour, physical assertiveness (being a jerk), muscular physique, manly facial features and being successful. It refers more specifically to the first two of those traits I listed, which is why your anecdote about Tom Hanks doesn’t apply: he is handsome and successful. “Nice Guys finish last” is not some iron-cast rule, it is a general trend, which many species other than human beings obey (interestingly swans don’t obey it, they are almost completely monogamous and all individuals are guaranteed a mate). If you deny it then I don’t think there’s any reasoning with you.
    I suppose I ought to declare my vested emotional interest in your blog post, since I haven’t yet found romance at the age of 22, and I count myself as kind and thoughtful of other people, so your post offended me.

    “There is no such thing as a friendzone. The friend in question just doesn’t find you attractive.”

    That’s the definition of the friendzone.

    “MYTH: Women only date assholes.(…) BUT, this one time in college I dumped a guy because he was an asshole. Sorry! Foiled again, Nice Guy!”

    So you dumped him, which means that you dated him. So therefore you did date an asshole. And just because you dumped him doesn’t invalidate the myth either: the majority of dates end in someone getting dumped. In your defence, the statement is incorrect because clearly women don’t only date assholes, they just prefer men who act like assholes.

    • I think maybe you’re missing the point of what I was saying… read this and maybe that will clarify what I was trying to convey: http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-06-05/how-to-tell-if-youre-a-nice-guy-and-how-to-stop-being-one-because-theyre-awful/

      Not to be patronizing, but as a man who is only 22 yrs old, you can’t really discount mine or any other woman’s experience in dating (not that at any age you could or should). Just try and see the female perspective of this, and instead of blaming women for not wanting to date you, be a little introspective and try and figure out what you could improve upon in yourself.

      • You’re not conveying anything but anecdotal evidence for every point you make; to boot you make hilariously questionable assertions like “Tom Hanks is a nice guy”…

        Are you mentally deficient or are you trying to get attention?

        BTW, ALL humans, including yourself, have flaws. Asshole guys and nice guys both have flaws, they are just different types of flaws. The type of flaws in asshole guys are just the ones women can put up with or are actually attracted to. You tell the above poster to look inside himself and improve himself but apparently guys who can get dates are perfect as is and need no improvement?

      • I addressed specific things that you said though. And that article makes plenty of mistakes of its own: it redefines nice guys, but then as it goes on there is the odd sentence that refers to the previously recognised “nice guys”. It completely avoids what the whole “nice guy” was originally about (women being dumped and then complaining that she can’t find a kind man, then continuing to make the same mistakes) and while I felt that the first half of it did not apply to me, the final 4 paragraphs sent me into enough of a fit of the vapours to respond to it, which I will do.

        I looked over my own comment here again and I didn’t make any arguments which try to discount your own or anybody else’s dating experience. Also don’t you think that by my age (“only” 22 – by this time most human beings have already experienced most of what mutual love and intimacy offers, and watching everyone else participate in it isn’t exactly pleasant) I would have wondered what’s wrong with me? I’m aware already of what my “flaws” are (or rather, things straight women biologically see as flaws in men). I’ll try and keep it brief, but those are that my parents were 40 when I was born, so my social skills were always a bit behind until I was about 18, I still have acne (it’s genetic), I am a nerd and – the point of this whole debate – I’m too accommodating towards women. Bear in mind that you saying that there’s something else wrong with me is an argument that neither you can prove nor one I can argue against.
        And as Andrew points out below, all humans have flaws. The central issue is that masculinity produces flaws in men which women are attracted to, while men who do not focus on masculinity can have virtues women have no interest in. Hence the inevitable stereotype of the newly-dumped or cheated-on woman who declares her desire to find a nice man, but then just does it all over again.

      • Your sample size is SO huge! You should write this all up in a study. “5 or 6 male and female Internet users reactions to an inane blog post: a comprehensive study”

        You are like the queen of anecdotal evidence. You jump from example to generalization so quickly it makes my head spin…

  10. Pingback: Milestone: My First Mean Comment | brunch for every meal

  11. “LOL you seem like a really cool guy with a great sense of humor”

    Yes, I “seem” that way. You seem to realize you don’t know me or what I’m like when someone isn’t pissing me off with complete nonsense!

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