The Fictional Carrie Scale of Poor Decision Making Skills

The fictional Carries of film and television have a long and storied history of using questionable judgement. Because their life choices are so varied in their levels of stupidity, Carries are the perfect subject for a scale that can measure the poor decision making skills of others.

carriescale

Homeland Spoiler Alerts Ahead:  I’m being really nice letting you know because at this point you should have stopped procrastinating and finished the second season. You can’t just keep backlogging episodes while we all walk on eggshells. Next time you get no warning. Put aside a wine and snuggle weekend and just finish that shit! 

0-2, or Carrie Heffernan: Carrie of King of Queens is a hottie whose status is confirmed by another hottie, Zack Morris. Despite spending a magical summer with him at Malibu Sands Beach Club, she somehow ends up with a fat UPS worker. Though she is way out of her husband’s league, he does put up with her father that lives with them and almost ruins their lives every 22 minutes, something Zack probably wouldn’t deal with. Overall, not such a terrible decision, depending on your feelings for Kevin James.

3-5, or Carrie White: Carrie in Carrie is only a 3-5 because she couldn’t really help going all telekinesis-y, and it was the other kids’ faults for the pig’s blood. The bad decision was not listening to her mother that everyone was going to laugh at her if she went to prom. However crazy your mom might be, she’s usually right about that stuff. Know when to take good advice.

6-8, or Carrie Bradshaw: It is my opinion that the difference between being a girl and being a woman is whether or not you believe that Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City is an acceptable role model. How many Style Network marathons did it take for you to realize she’s a needy, selfish woman? Putting aside whether or not she should have married Aidan, the dude offered to refinish her floors foh’ FREE, and after only a couple hours with the noise of the sander, she gives him some attitude, goes to a hotel and CHEATS on him! You did not have to do him like that, Carrie. You could have just written at Starbucks like the rest of us. That is some above average poor decision making.

9-10, or Carrie Mathison: For all the terrible, unavailable men Carrie Bradshaw dated, she never came close to dating the multi-hyphenate of awful that is Brody, the ginger-husband-father-terrorist that Carrie Mathison of Homeland fell in love with. I mean, you risk your life and career for this dude, and when you almost say you love him, he tells you “careful”?! Does this guy know he’s a terrorist?! AND A GINGER? Not only are you in love with a married, suicide vest wearing red head, you like him more than he likes you. If you’ve hit this red zone you should seek help immediately because you are now way beyond dating politicians with golden shower fetishes, and we need to adjust your medication before you start having jazz fits.

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7 thoughts on “The Fictional Carrie Scale of Poor Decision Making Skills

  1. Pingback: The Post Carrie Quoted Blog | Is What It is

  2. Pingback: Oscar Predictions From Someone Who Has Only Seen “Argo” | brunch for every meal

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