Well, it’s that time again- the time of year when Halloween Anxiety begins to reach it’s peak. “Halloween Anxiety,” for any straight men or people living in a second or third world nation, is most prevalent in young women ages 16-27, and occurs in the weeks leading up to Halloween. It starts around late August with just a twinge in the chest and the looming question, “What will I be for Halloween?” By October, it’s in its final and most debilitating stages: “No really, WHAT am I going to be?” and “WHAT are we going to do?” and the dreaded, “I don’t even feel like I’m in the Halloween spirit yet!!!” For those suffering from the final symptom or know someone who is, it’s important you get your hands on a Redbox copy of Hocus Pocus before it’s too late.

Unfortunately, I am not immune: