I hate teenagers.

I know I’m 23 (and a half) so that’s only about 4 years removed from actually being one, but I feel like I’ve always been a 45 year-old divorcee at heart, anyway. Teenagers are the worst. They’re just these little zitty mental patients with no sense of consequence or personal safety.

But God bless them.

They are so resourceful when it comes to getting drunk. Apparently, drinking hand sanitizer —one more time— hand sanitizer is the new way to circumvent the 21+ rule for intoxication.

Again, bless their hearts. They are so, so stupid. Can they really not find anyone willing to buy them beer? Do their parents not have a liquor cabinet to steal from? Or is it just an opportunity thing, like, “eh, found some sanitizer in my mom’s purse, might as well drink it.” I mean, where do they come up with this stuff? I don’t remember being 14, cleaning my earrings with witch hazel and thinking it might be a good idea to take a straw to it. Then again, I did musical theatre when I was a teenager, so maybe I missed out on the crazy public school youth experiences like smoking bath salts and getting pregnant.