Monster High Dolls, or The Down Fall of Mankind

Whitney Houston and I agree on 2 things: the children are our future, and crack is delicious.

You got me on the crack! I do not know if crack is delicious. I do know that crack is -in fact- whack. But Whitney and I are still on the same page about minors, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but our future is looking a little promiscuous. A tit-tle promiscuous, if you will.

How do I know this? I have eyes and a brain that is not only functioning, but arguably pretty rational at most times (except those times when I’m facebook stalking you and your new girlfriend for a full hour. Two hours.) and that’s all I need to see that things have changed since I was a wide-eyed innocent.

I hit up my local Toys R’ Us recently to buy a toy for a little girl- now, this girl (age 6) asked for a Monster High Doll for Chrismahanuwanza, and I, being out of touch with children’s recreational equipment trends, did not know what a “Monster High Doll” was.

Apparently strumpets with a great weave are really popular this holiday season:

This is Monster High student Clawdeen Wolf. Her hobbies include “waxing, shaving, and plucking” and “flirting with boys!” She is also supposed to be 15. 15!

Now, before I blow a gasket, let’s take a look at a popular doll of the 90’s…

The Babysitter’s Club dolls. Some of their favorite hobbies are dressing age appropriately and killing it as small business owners. I’m not saying my generation of young women who grew up playing with dolls like this are perfect, but I have a feeling we’re better off than the kids who are playing with a doll that wears thigh high socks.

So, I thought about getting this little girl a different doll, but the problem was they all just looked like variations on Pussycat…Dolls. I mean, the Bratz dolls as we all know were the original hookers, but all the other dolls were dressed like that, too! The best thing I could find was this Jackie Evancho doll:

But, like, c’mon. I’m not so high and mighty that I’m going to ruin this kid’s Christmas. It might be at Toys R’ Us, but it is obviously targeted towards the middle-aged gay or female doll collector demographic.

So, the only option I had left was to get the least offensive doll I could find.

Of the ones left on the shelves, this one had the most clothes on and at least wrote in a journal, which is promising.

So these Monster High Dolls are really popular right now, but I can’t imagine that teaching pre-pubescent 6 year-olds that they should be waxing their legs to attract men is a good lesson. OR, that at 15 it is acceptable to wear a belly shirt and tutu (which, let’s be real, is not an acceptable fashion choice at any age) or that you should dress that way to go to school because school is really just a means to meet guys, not learn.

I hate to get all soapy boxy on you (and now for using the phrase ‘get all soap boxy on you’), but this just does not bode well for our future. I’m not asking Mattel to start turning out Genderless City Council Representative Barbie or anything, but at least give parents more of an equal opportunity to find toys that won’t prime their daughters to be part of the future cast of Teen Mom 32. Though I do think a Teen Mom Barbie would be kind of funny. In a strictly novelty-item-from-Spencer’s-Gifts kind of way.

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14 thoughts on “Monster High Dolls, or The Down Fall of Mankind

  1. Those skirts are incredibly short..
    I can’t imagine wearing one of them at any age. It just wouldn’t be comfortable.
    I hope at least the children know or are taught that “meeting boys” is not a priority at school…

  2. LOLOLOLOL. just wait til you get to me MY age…. The dolls have been looking suspicious to me for years now. Heck, back in the 60’s when I got my first Barbie, my parents thought SHE was too racy. I could not understand why. Now I’m getting an idea of how they felt.

    Still, I think this new doll you posted about is actually kind of cute. Though certainly NOT appropriate for kids!

    • What’s funny is I think the dolls are cute and clever also… I can see why kids are into them- they could have easily made them more appropriate by designing better outfits and actually giving them real interests other than flirting. It would be so easy to fix this! Ugh if only I ruled the world, I mean REALLY!

  3. Cute post! I get so sad for the little girls today because all the dolls out these days look like call girls. How is “flirting with boys” a hobby? I though hobbies include things like listening to music or stargazing. LAME.

  4. I grew up with Barbies but regardless Barbie had far more hobbies than waxing. Please whose hobby is waxing? Waxing is a chore and it is painful and I pay to wax my eyebrows because doing it myself is a pain. Why would I ever put that on my list of hobbies.

    I think they need to get a more creative team behind kid’s movies and toys. We had Disney spit out so many good movies and great toys and now all kids have is these dolls that dress like strippers trying to be cute and have slutty hobbies. And obviously no interest or life because who says ” on my free time I enjoy shaving my hairy legs.”

    Really too bad.

  5. Oh my goodness – I am officially terrified to go shopping for my niece. She is 4 years old and asked for her first Barbie – I am seriously praying that I can find something that does not look like it’s vying for the latest opening in Girlicious. Thank you for the warning!

  6. All I can say is that if you teach your children to use their imagination, it really doesn’t matter what the manufacturer of the doll tells you what th e doll’s personality is like – your child can make the doll into whatever she wants. In other words, she can make a rag doll in modest clothes flirty and omg totally into boys. Truthfully, little girls don’t look at dolls and say, “gee, that’s sexy, I want to be like that” -they look at dolls and say, “gee, that’s pretty hair!” At five, that’s what little girls like. It is the parents that assign the “sexiness: to them. My daughter owns Monster High dolls. She played with Bratz dolls. She played with Barbie dolls and even custom made her own dolls. She even played with – gasp – anime dolls and at 21 she has never dressed in inmodest clothes, doesn’t like to drink, wants to wait for marriage, and has never been boy crazy. BTW, we are not a Christian Household, we’re Buddhist. And I raised her with honest talk about things like this. I set examples and became her role model. Even her peers have no influence over her. So it is possible to have the best of both worlds, if you know how to do it.

    • Inundating young girls with sexual images- showing them what they “should” look like is detrimental, and as a former 5 year old girl I couldn’t disagree more that children don’t register that kind of sexuality. They may not be able to articulate it correctly… they approach it innocently because they are innocent but it is incredibly naive to think it doesn’t leave an impression. Imaginations don’t reverse the teachings that an ideal woman has a huge head and a stick thin body with minimal clothes and few interests beyond boys and fashion. Maybe you did do an amazing job raising your daughter, but many people don’t. In any case, these dolls are just a symptom of a bigger problem with how we raise women as opposed to men, (and not teaching girls to have enough imagination to override the blatant sexism they experience every day isn’t the problem i’m talking about).

    • also maybe she is telling you the truth that she wants to wait until marriage (which tells me nothing about her. a “good girl” can be sexually active. Abstinence does not a good person make) and doesn’t drink, but to kind of narcissistically presume that her peers have no influence on her- that only you do- is deluded.

    • I agreed with you people over think about this I like the Monster High dolls and it doesn’t say anything on the tv show or show anything of the overly adult life. it just show what any girl do also girl power this one tv show I watch with my niece was about girls that are strong and do what any boy can do and still act like girls. The Monster High dolls are just Halloween dolls nothing more.

  7. Monster High are not bad really I like them. I watch their tv shows and it’s not bad and the dolls are cute. I just think we are just over thinking about it barbie on the other hand have gotten a little over the bored the last time I saw a barbie doll at a store she was wearing really flashy clothing. Monster high are just Halloween doll.

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